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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26654140">Your Eyes Tear Me Apart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleBreeze/pseuds/MapleBreeze'>MapleBreeze</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Episode: s02e01 The Curse of Cornelius Sigan, Evil Merlin (Merlin), Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Revealed, Merlin Canon Fest, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pain, Possession, Violence, Whump, possessed Merlin, title is both figurative and literal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:33:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26654140</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleBreeze/pseuds/MapleBreeze</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur was knocked backward, head slamming against stone. He felt the air leave his chest, vision blurring. The courtyard floor seemed to hurt a lot more than he remembered. </p><p>A man stood a few paces from him, golden eyes shining in the dark.</p><p>Did he ever really know Merlin?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), can be read as pre-merthur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Merlin Canon 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Your Eyes Tear Me Apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you so much to the mods of this fest! It's been a lot of fun!<br/>And big thanks to Lawless for being my last minute beta :)</p><p>This got twice as long as I thought it was going to be but I had such a great time writing it</p><p>Anyways, I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Arthur was knocked backward, head slamming against stone. His body lit up with pain. He felt the air leave his chest, vision blurring. He blinked furiously, trying to keep his eyes open. His whole body ached. The courtyard floor seemed to hurt a lot more than he remembered. The attack had not been going well.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur groaned, trying to move. That creature wasn’t finished with him, and as finished as Arthur felt, he knew it would be back soon. He had to get out of there, had to fight off the gargoyles. What good was he if he let it escape and attack everyone else? He felt momentarily comforted remembering that he’d sent the knights back to the great hall. Hopefully they would be able to protect everyone even if he himself failed. </p><p> </p><p>But he couldn’t fail.</p><p> </p><p>There was a flicker of movement in the dark sky above him, blotting out the stars. It must be the creature again. He let his eyes fall shut, bracing himself for the inevitable. Instead there was a large sound.</p><p> </p><p>He opened his eyes in time to see an explosion of rock. Pieces of stone rained down on the courtyard, clattering against the pavement. Arthur felt dizzier than he had before. What had happened to that creature? They had found no way of defeating them and yet one was destroyed.</p><p> </p><p>He felt a sharp pain in his head and almost succumbed to the darkness again, yet he felt someone press against his side, panicked breaths ghosting into the night. He struggled to open his eyes once more, the aching in his head unwavering. When he finally looked to his side, whoever it was, was gone. </p><p> </p><p>Arthur moved his aching shoulder, extending his arm to reach for his sword, but his chainmail felt suddenly heavier than it had moments before. Fighting to stay conscious, he blinked a few more times and shook his head. It did little to help. </p><p> </p><p>He took a deep breath, trying to relax. He just had to move little by little. Arthur managed to lift his head off the ground and cast a wary look around the courtyard. He could make out two figures in the shadows. They moved closer but he still wasn’t sure what was going on. </p><p> </p><p>His vision was a bit blurry, and it took a large amount of effort not to fade into unconsciousness. He tried to steady himself again when he heard them speak. Arthur couldn’t seem to make out the words, but the figures looked familiar.</p><p> </p><p><em>Merlin?</em>What was he doing here? He was supposed to be back in the dungeons, not here where it was so dangerous. Arthur rolled his eyes, that idiot has no sense of self preservation. And who was the other figure? Who in their right mind would be out in such an attack? Merlin was never in his right mind so it made sense but <em>who </em>was the other man. Arthur strained to listen.</p><p> </p><p>“He cast you aside without a moment’s thought…” Arthur recognized that voice, it was Cedric. That servant who volunteered to take Merlin’s job. Arthur should’ve seen it coming. No one was that eager to serve him without ulterior motives. He should’ve paid more attention to him, Merlin’s babbling proved, for once, to be accurate. Maybe Merlin was here to finish his previous fight. But then it hit him.</p><p> </p><p>It was all his fault. </p><p> </p><p>Now Camelot was in danger because he let this man slip past his guard just to annoy Merlin a bit, and it had apparently worked considering his behavior. Merlin never thought he would actually sack him, did he? As inadequate as his skills were, Arthur couldn’t imagine Merlin not being his servant. </p><p> </p><p>He strained to hear them across the courtyard, managing to pick up a few more words. “Arthur … will kneel at your feet.” </p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s heart stopped. What was he trying to do? Get Merlin to join his cause? How would that help him whatsoever and surely Merlin wouldn’t go with him, would he? Then he remembered everything he’d said to Merlin in the last few days, the insults, the placing the dungeons. Arthur’s breathing quickened. Surely, he did not think that badly of him. But the doubt was there, tugging at him, prickling under his skin. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t make out much of their conversation after that. The ache in his head grew and it took enough of his energy to stay conscious. He focused on that, trying to keep his helplessness at bay. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Cedric collapsed on the stone floor. Arthur was confused. He hadn’t seen Cedric or Merlin do anything. The pounding in his head and heart grew louder. Arthur watched as Merlin stayed there momentarily before he too fell, hitting the ground hard. </p><p> </p><p>Arthur felt a sudden coldness in his chest. <em>Not Merlin. </em>He tried again to move, to check if he was alright, to do something! But his body moved no further from the ground than before. Arthur let out a grunt of frustration. He would not let him be another victim of this attack. He would not let Merlin’s last moments be with that thief. <em>Or his last thoughts against Arthur</em>, his unhelpful mind added.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur made a renewed attempt to get up, shifting to his side. He grunted in pain, gritting his teeth as he pushed weakly against the ground. His left arm seemed somewhat more functional than the rest of his body and he attempted to use it as leverage to sit up. He pressed his palm to the stone again and put all of his strength into it. It was slow going and he had to stop and refocus his vision every so often, but it seemed like it was working. He pushed and pushed, heaving his heavy armor-covered body up to lean into a sitting position. Arthur almost laughed, he did it. He looked around the courtyard then, only to meet the eyes of someone else. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Merlin!” He tried not to show the relief in his voice. Arthur took a moment to school his features, vaguely attempting to look stern. “What are you doing here?” Everyone else was safe inside the great hall, why couldn’t Merlin, just this once, be where he was supposed to? Arthur vaguely recalled that that place was the dungeons anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a reason everyone else is inside, it’s not safe.” Arthur said, it still didn’t sound quite like his normal reprimanding. He tried to fight off his concern.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm not the one whose safety you should be worried about.”</p><p> </p><p>A look of confusion crossed Arthur’s face. Something sounded off in the way he said it, something was sharper in the way his tongue curled around those words.He thought it was just Merlin's usual worry but there was an extra edge to his voice. Normally he would think Merlin was just afraid of Arthur getting hurt. He seemed to do that often. But there was something cold and harsh in his tone, Merlin’s words stirred the hairs on the back of his neck as he continued attempting to lift himself up. Merlin moved closer and Arthur assumed he was coming to help him up. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then he feels himself flying backwards, slamming into the castle wall, knocking the air out of him. The clash of metal and stone rings much louder than it should. He pants out a curse, head pounding. His whole body desperately aches but it’s no match for the sudden pain that enters his heart as he looks up.</p><p> </p><p>There Merlin stands in the center of the courtyard, arm outstretched in his direction. He’s further away now but that doesn’t stop Arthur from seeing the worst of it. Merlin’s eyes, glowing a horrible, awful gold. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The gold seems to stare into him, like he could see everything he was thinking. Maybe he could. Arthur realized then that he had no idea what Merlin was capable of. The thought was heavy and uncertain in his mind. It felt strange and impossible in his mind to think of that sorcerer and his manservant as one in the same. Arthur’s breaths quickened, his body still groaning from his injuries and his heart beating faster than ever before.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Gold faded back to blue as quick as it came, and Arthur had to fight to not see him as Merlin. But the smirk, the neckerchief, the bedhead – it was all so him. How could Merlin be the man he saw now. Was it all some sort of trick, a long game designed to break the kingdom from within? Or was it new, Merlin’s loyalty bought out by some enemy of Camelot? </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Was it because of him?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That thought was somehow the worst of it. It was somehow everything he had feared, the one person he’d been so open to was against him. And he still couldn’t comprehend it. </p><p> </p><p>All these years, had Merlin <em>hated </em>him?</p><p> </p><p>Yes, he said all sorts of treasonous things but was it malice behind his cheeky tongue? Was Merlin’s angry muttering a sign of something more? Arthur’s mind kept offering more horrible questions. Merlin didn’t plan on becoming his manservant, he remembered. Did he only want to do this after he met Arthur?  Was he waking him every morning waiting with a knife? At the thought Arthur could hear his cheery voice, see his smile in the sunrise. There was nothing evil about it. But that was magic, he knew he wouldn’t even need a knife.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He looked at the man before him and oh god how it hurt. It was Merlin. He just couldn’t get past it, how could he ever after everything they’d done together, everything they’d done for each other? That was the true evil of magic, corrupting those most pure. The man who looked oddly like Merlin stalked forward now, toward him. Something fearful entered Arthur’s chest, foreign and so different from what a normal battle. Then the unknown man spoke. </p><p> </p><p>“This has been a long time coming, Arthur,” Merlin’s voice said, both casual and serious at the same time. Arthur hated how his voice sounded on his lips. “You think I would really put up with everything all these years, everything your father does, everything you do.” Arthur had no words. </p><p> </p><p>“You think you are so mighty in that castle, towering over others and controlling their lives.” Merlin looked up to the castle around them with such a glare and Arthur felt himself shiver.  </p><p> </p><p>“But you know nothing of power.” Merlin moved closer now, only a few paces from Arthur. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Your father sees the slightest bits of it and immediately extinguishes it out of fear,” he said with a pointed look making Arthur’s heart race. “Those little sorcerers you are so afraid of. You don’t know what it’s like to really be afraid.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And with that, the sky began to darken, black clouds filled the air above them. Merlin looked up at them, smiling, almost like he used to, but Arthur couldn’t let himself be fooled. Rain began to fall in droplets, making the cobblestone slick beneath his feet. He took advantage of the moment to heave himself off the ground, leaning heavily on the wall for support. His muscles screamed at the movement, but he pushed past it, finally standing again. </p><p> </p><p>Then Merlin’s soft smile stretched into something cruel. His eyes started glowing again and he raised one hand to the sky, bringing it down in a fist toward the ground. A loud crack echoed off the walls of the courtyard, the lightning so sudden and bright. It blinded Arthur for a moment and he felt his whole body shaking. </p><p> </p><p>There was no magic he’d ever seen like this. No sorcerer with such power as to call down the wrath of the heavens in an instant. It felt so wrong to see Merlin standing there, and knowing he was the one who did it felt even worse. His power paired with his slight frame in an almost comical way. Only a few minutes ago Arthur would have shoved him out of the way, fearing for his safety. He would’ve been so scared for him thinking he needed his protection, now Arthur was anything but.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin,” Arthur gasped. “Stop this!” he cried over the storm. It seemed to have grown much louder than when it started. </p><p> </p><p>“Make me.” </p><p> </p><p>Arthur drew his sword.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He ran at the sorcerer, his whole body hating the movement. He looked into Merlin’s eyes as he swung. No matter who it was, he couldn’t leave Camelot in danger. It was his duty. But instead of the usual sound of metal against flesh, all he heard was the clatter of his sword on the ground as it was pulled out of his hand. Anger filled him more fiercely now. Anger for his people and kingdom. Anger for the utter wrongness of this fight. Arthur couldn’t remember when he last felt this helpless. But most of all he felt anger about Merlin, about his whole world ripped away.</p><p> </p><p>Unarmed, he swung at Merlin with his fist. He felt like he could almost grasp that familiar scarf, but Merlin dodged with ease, slipping away from Arthur. Not even a moment later another crack rang out, lightning cutting open the stone next to him. Arthur jumped, feeling the heat clawing at his skin. </p><p> </p><p>Hearing a laugh in the darkness, Arthur gritted his teeth. He scrambled to find his sword on the ground, hand finally brushing the familiar metal as he turned back to face the threat. The threat who didn’t look like a threat at all, standing there, soaked to the bone in his tattered clothes. It was unfair. Arthur ran at him again with an upward slash of his sword, swinging back around for another strike to the side. But somehow Merlin missed his sword again. </p><p> </p><p>Arthur feinted left, bringing his sword around to strike at the other side, but still nothing. He could’ve sworn he hit him this time. He swung again and again, forward, backward, and both sides, almost dancing around him. Arthur’s face quickly contorted into one of fury. Every time he tried to strike, Merlin moved just out of his reach or his blade somehow never found its target as if stopped by an invisible barrier.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then it occurred to Arthur, Merlin had more than one advantage. Yes, he could use magic and that was unfair enough, but then there were all those years watching him. He knows how he fights. Merlin had stood by his side, at every tournament, every training with the knights, even helping Arthur practice. Arthur had tried to teach him a little once. It all felt so foolish now.</p><p> </p><p>The betrayal felt even sharper now, a clear shining weakness, open to the world. Arthur had never felt so vulnerable. He had never felt so weak. It weighed upon him, heavier than his armor. A friend who had seen him at his highs and lows, knowing him better than anyone else, could now use it all against him. That bond was already lost, and he could feel it. Already he knew there would be no one else to fill that void. Not that it was such a good idea to fill it anyways, if he couldn’t trust Merlin, there was no one he could. Yet he couldn’t imagine being without him, even now. Despite everything he’d seen, the idea of Merlin just gone from his chambers seemed wrong. But that past would never happen again.</p><p> </p><p>His heart clenched painfully. All Arthur wanted to do was stop, to lower his sword and back away, to finally have the chance to rest. All he wanted was to wake up from this impossible nightmare. He breathed out in the cold night air, watching the man he was so fond of, a few paces away. He wanted it all to end. </p><p> </p><p>But he had a duty to his people and there was nothing else to do.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>With a yell, he ran back towards the man, slashing wildly. As he moved, the storm seemed to pick up again and the rain came down heavier, the sound of it on the cobblestone becoming monstrously louder. Arthur came closer this time, stepping into his space and forcing him backward. He heard another crack and the world went bright for a moment in an almost terrifying way. Arthur blinked trying to clear his vision and he felt the air rise up around him and shove him away. He found himself on the ground one more time but got up as quickly as he had gone down. He had to stay strong.</p><p> </p><p>He crossed the stones quickly, swinging his sword the moment he saw a flash of those golden eyes. This time he finally made a hit, slicing into tunic and jacket on Merlin’s side. It was admittedly weak, and Arthur blamed it on his remaining strength rather than the weakness of his heart. He tried his best to ignore the fear that flashed at seeing that tunic torn. </p><p> </p><p>In that moment, he saw Merlin’s face shift, the stern mask of the sorcerer gone momentarily as he hissed in pain, pressing his hand to the wound and coming back with a red palm. He met Arthur’s eyes again, cold and filled with anger, like there wasn’t a flicker of devastation on his face a moment ago. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur averted his eyes and made for another attack. He swung from the right, hoping to take advantage of the injury. His sword made it close to his body but wouldn’t go closer. It felt like he was being pushed back by something and when he looked up Merlin’s eyes were glowing again. Again, and again Arthur tried, back and forth, dealing the most unpredictable and desperate attacks he could think of, even trying to sweep the leg. <em>Nothing. </em>He was nowhere near close enough for another hit. Merlin smirked at him with those horrible eyes.</p><p> </p><p>But it was his duty, there was no one else out here and he had to protect Camelot. He doubled back, this time with a flurry of blows that would leave any man weak. But still no reaction from his opponent. Arthur grunted as he attacked again, but it was different.</p><p> </p><p>Now that Arthur thought about it, he could see the struggle in his movements, how he faltered when he blocked him, almost looking hesitant, like he didn’t want to do this. It was strange. His struggle to dodge his blows reminded Arthur of when he’d sparred with him. Maybe he could just tire him out and it wouldn’t come to a solid end. The thought of gaining the upper hand sent a wave of panic down Arthur’s spine. He didn’t think he could even finish this fight if he got the chance to.  </p><p> </p><p>For the sake of self-preservation and his people, he continued. Yet his heart still protested every time he moved to make the slightest attack. He always looked away when he thought his sword would actually reach Merlin. And he never looked into his forever golden eyes. He just couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>The storm seemed to be lessening now. The rain fell gently on the courtyard now and there were no signs of lightning. He finally looked over to assess Merlin. He still had his hands outstretched but his posture looked looser, minimizing his soggy form. He looked sad even. Arthur didn’t know what to make of it. Minutes ago, he was attacking viciously and now he was only on the defensive. </p><p> </p><p>“Arthur...” he said, sounding pained. Arthur thought he saw a flash of fear in his eyes, and he froze, seemingly lost in his head.</p><p> </p><p>Then it was gone entirely, Merlin straightened. At once his face changed, becoming hardened and fierce. He muttered some words, and the clouds thickened once again, though no more rain fell. </p><p> </p><p>“Arthur,” he finally continued, “I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long.” He gave a teasing look that would’ve normally made Arthur laugh. Arthur twisted around, attempting to strike a blow with the hilt of his sword.</p><p> </p><p>“I always thought you were too weak to face magic, maybe I was wrong.” </p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s hand connected with Merlin’s arm with a grunt.</p><p> </p><p>“But maybe not.” His eyes glowed and he made a sweeping motion with his other arm. Wind soared down into the courtyard, Arthur could feel it, making the cold wetness seep in further. Then Merlin opened his palm with a yelled word, pushing the wind toward him and Arthur cried out as he felt a sharp pain in his upper arm. </p><p> </p><p>There was a diagonal cut through his chainmail to his skin. It looked like any other wound, but it burned fiercely, hot with magic and shock. </p><p> </p><p>“What the hell was that?” He found himself crying. One look at Merlin’s pleased face at his pain had done him in. He’d been trying to hold back saying things as to not give this man any more power over him. </p><p> </p><p>But Merlin didn’t answer him immediately, instead whispering the same words with a sharp movement of his left hand. Arthur felt a slash to his thigh. He bit his lip, trying not to cry out. Merlin just smiled. </p><p> </p><p>With a roar, Arthur moved to slash at Merlin’s side, only to find himself with the same wound he was trying to inflict. The wind curled around him, sharp and poised to fight. His side and leg were red and bloody now, almost the color of his tunic.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stood back several paces from Merlin, sword at the ready but hands shaking as he breathed heavily. He blinked, trying to banish his dizziness. He took another deep breath, steadying himself through the pain. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Magic is a weapon like any other,” Merlin’s voice was laced with a deadly intensity that washed through the night, seeming both perfectly normal and horribly wrong. Arthur’s breath quickened and the fear he’d been trying to hide away was forcing its way up. His heart ached at how different he sounded; he would never believe Merlin could sound like that. With shaky hands, Arthur raised his sword in a fighting stance once more, facing the sorcerer. </p><p> </p><p>“It can cut and bruise just the same.” Merlin’s eyes flashed when he said those words and gave a sharp thrust of his hand. Arthur barely registered the blade of wind slicing into his shoulder, before he was thrown backward, sliding across the wet stones. The ground felt hard and rough against his skin, tearing at his wounds. </p><p> </p><p>His sword flew out of reach, clattering across the flagstones to the other side of the courtyard. As Merlin approached him, he scrambled along the ground in a desperate attempt to escape. His palms rubbed brutally against the rock, and already the puddles around him were red from his other wounds.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was panting now, lost in a haze of frustration and exhaustion. Merlin moved closer and there was little he could do to get off the ground. He’d never felt so vulnerable, and it felt almost worse than his wounds. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Still, the impossibility of it all plagued him. Had Merlin had such intentions this whole time? Had Arthur been that blind all these years? The thought that their interactions were not genuine hurt Arthur more than he could say. And if Merlin felt this way the whole time, why hadn’t he done something till now? It didn’t add up. Merlin had plenty of opportunities every day to hurt him and clearly power wasn’t something he lacked. Why now?</p><p> </p><p>Was it something Arthur did? Did it finally drive him over the edge?</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was yanked out of his thoughts by a brutal force, powerful magic slamming him down on the ground once more. He coughed, the cold air burning in his lungs but his whole body was hot with pain. His chainmail dug into his skin, pushing down on every aching muscle. </p><p> </p><p>He looked up to see Merlin again, only to be met with glowing eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Merlin raised his hand again, before clenching it into a claw, pointing at him. Arthur’s breath left him in an instant. His throat suddenly became tight, the same force surrounding his neck, choking him. Arthur felt even dizzier than before and the dark sky began mixing with the castle in his vision. He tried to pull off the hands that should be around his neck, hands that could be stopped, be fought against, but he was met with nothing. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur drew in great gasps of air when Merlin finally let up. His chest burned fiercer as he coughed. His lungs felt like they were ripping open, combining with the sting in his chest. He breathed heavily, heaving off the ground. He knew his face betrayed the utter exhaustion he felt, he could no longer hide his defeat.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no point in struggling,” Merlin said simply, looking down at him, humor in his eyes. “I can take you apart less than with one blow, remember?” </p><p> </p><p>He said it lightly, but the words echoed in Arthur’s mind, shattering the little faith he had left. Arthur gave him as much of a look of hatred as he could muster, as coldness grew in his chest. </p><p> </p><p>It was true. Merlin had lied to him since that very first day. All this time, he’d had magic and had been planning this. He hadn’t ever cared for Arthur, only sought his downfall. This confirmation only weakened Arthur’s resolve. There was no one he could trust as much as him, and yet he couldn’t. Arthur sighed, chest still aching as he laid his head back on the cold stone, breathing hard. He blinked furiously, trying to keep the tears at bay. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t even know him. That man was not the Merlin he knew, the Merlin he knew had never even existed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur stared up at the stars, the dark clouds hanging like funerary shrouds. He could feel Merlin’s footfalls as he came nearer to him, finally stopping by his side, giving him a little nudge with his foot. When Arthur finally met his eyes, Merlin smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“Who would believe it?” Merlin said, eyes focused and gloating. Arthur felt his stare eat through him. “Prince Arthur, one of the strongest warriors in these lands, killed by his own foolish, idiot, manservant.” Merlin punctuated each word with a snarl, resentment evident in his voice. </p><p> </p><p>Anger surges through Arthur and he wants to shout at him, make him feel how awful he feels now despite his compromising position. But then he remembers the man before him and suddenly Arthur can’t blame him.</p><p> </p><p>It was all his fault. He’s treated Merlin horribly all these years and now he expects him to forgive him for everything. After all he’s said and done against magic must have worn him away. The strange man above him was one of his own making. Arthur deserved this.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of yelling, his voice goes soft, as it pains him to speak. “Please, at least spare everyone else,” he pleads. “I’m the one who wronged you.”</p><p> </p><p>“No Arthur, this has gone on far too long.” He says Arthur’s name with a particular distaste that hurts more than any other name Merlin has called him. Arthur meets his intense gaze with tears in his eyes, clutching at his wounds, hopelessness setting in. </p><p> </p><p>Merlin raises his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Please Merlin, this isn’t you!” Arthur finds himself crying, desperate and afraid, the wrongness of it all settling in once more. This wasn’t right. His throat burns at the volume still weak from its previous damage. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re wrong, you have never known who I am.” Merlin’s voice rings in Arthur’s ears as memories of Merlin’s cheerful greetings and ridiculous comments return. He had helped him with things no one else ever would. Another tear drips down Arthur’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“I am more powerful than you even know.” </p><p> </p><p>A glowing ball of light appears in Merlin’s hand, and his eyes flash open, blindingly unnatural. Arthur scrambles backward, self-preservation finally kicking in. He squeezes his eyes tight, not wanting to see him this way in his final moments. </p><p> </p><p>Then his hand brushes something smooth and hard on the ground. </p><p> </p><p>He opens his eyes for a second and his heart stops. He recognizes the object. It is the crystal from the tomb they found, only clear and empty of its blue coloring. <em>It wasn’t a jewel. </em>Merlin’s accusations from earlier that day fly through Arthur’s head<em>.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Cedric’s body is possessed by an ancient sorcerer. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Arthur can’t breathe, suddenly exhilarated. The sliver of hope that left him earlier returned in full force. This wasn’t Merlin! <em>None of this was him. </em>Instead of waiting for his demise, Arthur has a plan. </p><p> </p><p>Merlin towers above him once more, watching the ball of light in his hand grow, unaware of the jewel clutched in Arthur’s hand. Unrecognizable words spill from Merlin’s mouth and Arthur hates them both less and more than before. </p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye, Arthur.” As he says these words, Arthur aims a kick at Merlin’s lower legs as best he can. The ball of light leaves his hand as Merlin crashes to the ground, the light hurtling into the castle wall. </p><p> </p><p>Arthur grabs Merlin’s arms on top of his chest, pinning him to ground. Every part of Arthur’s body is screaming at him, but Arthur forces the jewel in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Take it, Merlin!” He commands, shoving it into the other man’s chest. He struggles in his arms and it takes every bit of Arthur’s willpower to hold on.</p><p> </p><p>“I was wrong before; I should’ve listened to you!” He shouts, his hoarse voice ringing through the night. “You were right about Cedric, and I’m sorry I made it come to this.” Arthur’s voice is heavy and it’s harder to hold back his tears. </p><p> </p><p>“Please Merlin!” He can only hope that Merlin is fighting in there too. </p><p> </p><p>Merlin struggles more in his grasp, lashing out against his hold, almost tearing his hands away. Arthur hears the words of the old religion building on Merlin’s tongue and there’s nothing he can do.</p><p> </p><p>“Please,” Arthur begs, panicking as he clings onto Merlin. If this doesn’t work, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. </p><p> </p><p>“Please, come back to me.” </p><p> </p><p>Merlin finishes the phrase, yelling out the last words. His eyes flash gold then black as he goes limp in Arthur’s arms. More tears fall from Arthur’s face as the coldness returns, filling his chest completely. Then, a blue wisp of something floats out of Merlin’s mouth in a gentle exhale. Arthur watches as it returns to the crystal. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur moves himself off Merlin, seating himself on the ground, cradling Merlin’s head in his lap. He brushes his hand across his face gently, nestling his fingers into his dark hair. He can’t hold back the tears that come. </p><p> </p><p>Merlin stirs a few moments later, long eyelashes parting softly to look up. Arthur is once again met with the perfect deep blue he loves so much. Relief flashes through his body, filling every inch of him. He can’t even seem to feel his injuries even though he knows that he will have to deal with them later.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin,” he gasps, a smile spreading across his face. His face contorts into one of concern a moment later. “Are you alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I was just possessed by an evil sorcerer, so I’m doing great.” His voice comes out shaky and weak but not without a smile. Arthur shakes his head with a little laugh that is worth the pain in his lungs.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Merlin.” Arthur wraps his arms around him, drawing him into a gentle hug. He breathes painfully again as tears well up in his eyes. But Arthur remembers he was right about one thing, that he was to blame.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry, I should’ve listened to you,” he confesses. Arthur wishes with every ounce of himself that he could go back and fix it, relieve them of the pain he had caused. “It’s all my fault.”</p><p> </p><p>“Arthur don’t—” </p><p> </p><p>“No Merlin, you deserve a proper apology.” Arthur took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for all of this. If I had listened to you about Cedric, neither of us would be here like this and no one would have been in danger. I shouldn’t have taken the teasing that far.” Arthur gave a meaningful look at him. “And I wouldn’t want anyone else as my manservant. You mean far too much to me.” It felt strange to say out loud, but Arthur knew it was true.</p><p> </p><p>Now it was Merlin’s eyes glistening with tears. He sat up slowly, wiping his face on his sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Arthur, for believing in me back there.” A small smile crossed Arthur’s face. “But there’s something I must tell you.” Worry and fear reared their heads in Arthur’s chest, but could do little against the immense joy.</p><p> </p><p>“That magic back there,” Merlin hesitated, looking around, scared and uncertain, Arthur wanted to fight whatever was making him so. “It wasn’t all the sorcerer’s.” Merlin looked down, fiddling with the jewel in his hands. “Part of it was mine.” </p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s relief flew away, replaced with confusion and betrayal once more. “Merlin, what do you mean?” He asked, disbelieving, suddenly feeling the same fear he’d felt before. His heart clenched.</p><p> </p><p>“I was born with magic Arthur. That’s why Sigan wanted me. He wanted my power.” Arthur sat there, still unsure. He’d been so convinced moments earlier of the true horror of magic, how it could corrupt someone like Merlin and change their every will.</p><p> </p><p>“But what you saw tonight, that was not me.” Merlin took Arthur’s hands in his. “Please trust me, I would never do anything to harm you.” </p><p> </p><p>Arthur nodded slowly, everything he’d thought had changed so much in the last few minutes alone. Magic could be evil, but Merlin was not.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe you.” Arthur never wanted to feel like he had tonight ever again. It was alone such a relief to know that even though Merlin had magic, he didn’t hate him. It had made so much sense before and now came as a shock. </p><p> </p><p>“And I’m sorry, for everything.” Arthur looked down at the floor, now redder than before. He met Merlin’s eyes. Merlin gave him such a genuine smile that only fueled his shame.</p><p> </p><p>But when he looked back, Merlin’s eyes were gold. He almost jumped and the fear returned as quickly as it had left. His body was tense and painful again.</p><p> </p><p>But Merlin looked peaceful and so utterly happy. Arthur watched as he pointed his finger to the sky and swirled it gently, the dark clouds floating away in the night, stars shining once more. The bright blue jewel glinted in the moonlight beside their legs. </p><p> </p><p>Immediately when his eyes went back to blue, Arthur pulled him into a tight hug, breathing in his scent mixed with the wet night air. Merlin relaxed into his arms, weak and heavy at the same time, his shirt and hands staining with Arthur’s blood. Arthur held on, never wanting to see him like that again. Tears wet each other’s shirts, already soaked with rain and blood but neither had felt more relief or happiness. </p><p> </p><p>They stayed there, clasped together as long as they could, until they met with Gaius’ relieved face when he arrived.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!<br/>And feel free to leave a comment</p><p>I've always wondered what would've went down if Merlin actually got possessed and then I got really interested in the idea of Arthur seeing Merlin's magic for the first time when it's used for evil. </p><p> </p><p>Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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